 "Sex, and blood makes a great Vampire film..................." | 2009-04-28 |
| - Reviewed By reddemon29 |
| I have to say this is one of the better Tales from the Crypt films. It got a bunch of great actors. Angie Everhart did good job as head vampire. Dennis Miller was funny in this movie. Great fx, and lot of topless vampire girls. The story was well written. Excellent vampire flick! |
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| "Awesome movie, classic, buy it!!" | 2008-02-25 |
| - Reviewed By User: A8QUA6QJZ5RM1 |
Ignore the bad reviews and buy this movie!!
This was a thoroughly enjoyable flick! It's just like a "Tales From The Crypt" episode with that mix of horror and humour. Angie Everhart is one damn hot and sexy vampire and does a superb job as Lillith, the head vampire! Never really was a fan of Dennis Miller but he is great with the one-liners and I really enjoyed his presence in this!
A story about a bordello masquerading as a creepy funeral home, with Angie Everhart and a bunch of naked vampire hookers! What more can you want?! This was a really fun movie!! I rented this years ago, then went back and bought it I loved it so much! Blows away many of the newer horror crap that's out there today! How come Hollywood can only come up with remakes these days??
This was a well put together fun, sexy, and scary flick with great acting on the part of all the actors. Yea, maybe a little camp here and there, but it works well and fits the "Tales" style of horror. I am generally picky, especially with horror flicks, in fact I'm not big on humour in movies either, but this movie was enjoyable from start to finish! One of my all-time favs!
Go out and treat yourself to this enjoyable movie, you won't regret it!
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 "AWFUL!..To say the least" | 2007-02-22 |
| - Reviewed By kandyk |
| First of all, Angie Everheart can't act her way out of a paper bag. The person who did the casting for this movie should be fired immediately. I wanna hope they weren't serious. I mean, this has to be a comedy..right? This is a disagrace to vampire movies everywhere and has ultimately led to the destruction of the "Tales from the Crypt" movie legacy. "Tales from the Crypt" was one of the most legendary shows, in my opinion, of all time. It was full of irony, deceit, horror, and revenge. There was always one lesson to be learned, and that's people always get what they deserve in the end. Needless to say, the thought of a "Tales from the Crypt" movie excited me, and after "Demon Knight" was so good, I expected this to be even better. Thus, leading to more films. I was SERIOUSLY MISTAKEN! This movie was absolutely horrible. Chris Sarandon has the most laughable character of all as the T.V Evangelist/Preacher. I was very disappointed in him after the sexy and seductive vampire he played in "Fright Night" which is also another favorite of mine. I guess he's kinda taking what he can get right now, but I would have never guessed that he was hard up enough to make a complete fool out of himself. The same goes for Corey Feldman. Obviously, the lesser talented of the 2 Corey's, he also blew big time in this movie too. After being in "The Lost Boys" I thought I was a fan forever, but once again...I THOUGHT WRONG! He was in this movie all of 3 scenes which are equivalent to about 10 minutes in all probably..if that. On top of that, who owed Angie Everheart a favor? because she had the worst role of all in the film. She clearly got this role because of how she looks because her acting level is flat at 0 (zero). Come on, Her voice stayed exactly the same throught the duration of the movie. It kept the same tone and everything, there was no enthusiam, no passion, no sex appeal, no charisma, and often at times it sounded very flat and mechanical like she was reading directly from que cards. Next, we have Erika Eleniak, who is clearly in the same boat with Chris Sarandon and Corey Feldman. I genuinely don't think she's a bad actress, but she just gets caught up in bad roles. I guess there needs to be a "Baywatch Reunion" soon because that was definitely when she shined most. Don't even get me started on Dennis Miller, he couldn't be funny if he tried. Not to mention, his acting is mediocre at best. This movie looks like one big joke that got dumber and dumber along the way. That goes double for the scene when they go into the "Bordello" to slay the prostitute vampires....PUHLEEZE! Maybe, if it were a spoof it would've been better. What was the point of even showing us the key from "Demon Knight" if it had absolutely nothing to do with the movie? I was thinking they were about to elaborate more on the key, or at least the origin...I THOUGHT WRONG! The key played no part in this at all. Next, a vampire brothel..I wonder who's bright idea that was because they person needs to be found immediately and fired. That's the best they could do? They start off by having some guy with a serious case of the shakes, and who looks and acts seriously disturbed meet these guys in a bar/poolhall and tell them all about how and where they can have the best sex of all time, give them the address of where to go, and these fools actually go. If you're gonna be that dumb, then you deserve to be eaten by vampires. I could go on and on about how bad this movie is but there isn't enough time in my life, or room on Amazon for me to express my strong dislike for this movie. There was nothing redeemable it at all. |
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 "Good But Not Great" | 2006-07-24 |
| - Reviewed By captpicardfan |
While not as good as Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood is more than the porn it seems by first glance. The movie just misses some things that the first film had. One thing being that the cast in this film is a lot weaker than what was in the original. Can you imagine Dennis Miller as the hero? It's a little too farfetched to believe. Not saying that he is bad in the film, but he just wasn't that great. But he did bring his famous sarcasm to this movie. I did, however, like Christopher Sarandon as the preacher.
The special effects in this movie didn't seem to be used as much as they were in the original film, but what is there, it is still pretty good. The movie just isn't that funny and the movie is definitely not scary. It tries to make jokes that just aren't that good and Corey Feldman does not make a good vampire. Even with all of that said, still, the movie isn't boring. It does have enough to keep interest, the final scenes of the film when Dennis and Chris use squirt guns full of holy water is something to see. The special effects during that sequence were well done.
Overall, this movie is just average. Sorry that I keep comparing to the original film even though this has nothing to do with the original except for the name and the return of the key they were trying so hard to protect in the first movie. But "Demon Knight" set a bar that this one didn't really meet. The movie is fun, and the funniest thing in this film is the man in the bar that keeps sending people to the bordello. Not the greatest of the Tales from the Crypt movies, but the worst "Crypt" movie is better than most films that are put out in the genre. Worth watching, maybe not worth buying unless you are a "Tales" fan.
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| "0 STARS: Sorry excuse for a vampire movie" | 2005-05-18 |
| - Reviewed By thehorrorman |
| When I first saw "Bordello Blood", I was so disappointed in Dennis Miller...he is a good actor in certain situations, but for his to do garbage like this is inexcusable. In fact, Miller looked more ridiculous in this movie than he did as a MNF analyst. This movie was supposed to be a vampire movie and while there are some vampires in it, one can easily see that this movie is a total joke and the crypt keeper and others involved in the making of this movie had to laughing when they made it knowing it was not scary and not any good. This is a waste of a serious horror movie fan's time...if you want camp humor and lame comedy fine, but don't call this a horror movie. Thank you. |
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| "Vampire Hookers,Lust PLUS Ms. Angie Everhart!!!!" | 2005-05-08 |
| - Reviewed By johnbaranyai2 |
| This movie opens with some dialogue from the Crypt Keeper. He's the guy that looks like he has been on a diet a little too long.It seems as if there is a new Bordello in town. Howver as with most Horror movies things are not always what they appear to be and this Bordello is full of Vampire Prostitutes who just Vant To Suck Yor Blud!!!The beautiful former model turned successful actress Angie Everhart plays the Head Vampire, Lilith who is after a rare blood type. I give this movie 5 stars because (1) Ms. Everhart gives a wonderful performance and (2) She had the good sense not to marry Sylvester Stallone. |
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