 "The Epitome of Integrity" | 2008-09-03 |
| - Reviewed By screaldeal |
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
Whoever thought of that saying never had to deal with bullying the way Jodee Blanco did. If you thought you had it rough in school, you'll rethink your own struggles when Blanco shares her literal horror stories of intimidation and harassment in "Please Stop Laughing at Me", a memoir that begins with her struggles in grade school all the way to her senior year in high school.
Jodee's battles with bullies begin at a Catholic grammar school dubbed Holy Ascension. She gets her first taste of stigmatization in fourth grade when she volunteers to help out with the deaf program, telling on two friends who mock the deaf children and braving the ensuing backlash. Then while at Morgan Hills, she blows the whistle on a birthday party involving games of an overtly sexual nature, a moral compromise that has her in the red with several of the attendees and labeled a tattletale. Under the ruse of forgiveness, Jodee is dragged out into a parking lot where her so-called friends call her a "wuss", kick and spit on her, throw her favorite suede shoes in a urine-filled toilet and douse her brand new white angora sweater with cans of Coke. These are mere nuggets of the tribulation Jodee sustains over the next several years.
In the course of the abuse, Jodee transfers schools twice and is forced by her parents to see a shrink and go on medication for anxiety. She succumbs to depression, her decreased appetite leading to subsequent rapid weight loss and one alarming case of self-mutilation with a kitchen knife that results in a trip to the emergency room. On top of Jodee's struggles to fit in, she deals with a painful deformity of her breasts which doctors are unable to correct until her seventeenth birthday. Her rattled state takes it toll on her parents as well, a restiveness settling atop their house during the school year with only a brief respite from her misery during summer break.
The torture you read about gets overwhelming fairly quickly and about the only thing that will keep you reading is seeing Jodee get the last laugh at her high school reunion 20 years later as a person of prominence, the biggest success story in the room.
I know I am not the first to say it after having read this moving memoir that there were times when I felt as if Blanco were writing my own story. Specific passages brought back thoughts and feelings that still haunt me to this day, either because I choose not to exorcise those demons and hold on to my anger (because I don't know how else to feel) or because the psychological damage is irreversible and the after-effects are beyond my control. Like Jodee, my anger with the individuals who teased me boiled to the point where I had fantasies of hurting people and also like Jodee, my catharsis for this pain was my writing (I still use it to cope with many different situations). It is my own cheap therapy (since I doubt my insurance would cover a real therapist) but I wonder if my own upcoming high school reunion (10 years) will be just the salve I need to remedy all those festering wounds. I also believe I have anger management issues that stem from the bottled-up rage and resentment I still experience from the teasing and taunting I endured. I did not suffer anywhere near the level Jodee did, but I still feel the scars from time to time.
I realize now that people know nothing about individuality during the consequential years of grade school and high school - we are all too busy surrendering to conformity. I am guilty of it myself, due to the fact that I associated with a disreputable crowd just to belong (though I never really did - those people gave me hell too), as well as poking fun at other people to take the focus of the teasing off of me. As Jodee states, "Making fun of people, even if you didn't want to, was the new price of social acceptance by the group. The rules were simple. It was either shun or be shunned." (pg. 38)
My mother offered the same advice that Jodee's did: Ignore them and they'll stop bothering you. While this is true for most people, this did not detract Jodee's torturers. Her silent indifference to their mockery only fueled their fire. To retort only gave them the reaction they wanted all along, another excuse to inflict physical damage as well as emotional. Because bullies (active and erstwhile alike) refuse to stop and think about the aftermath, they create monsters in the form of Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris. Who knows whether psychiatric intervention could've saved those boys (as well as the people they killed), but it does give one pause to make people think about the possible end result of what they deem to be innocent and "normal" derision for people their age. When does one grow up and realize the consequences of their actions? It's only when the damage has been done do we bother to take responsibility for the lives that we have affected with our own selfish behavior.
Bottom Line: Simply put, "Please Stop Laughing At Me" is an eye-opening, inspiring (albeit depressing) memoir of Blanco's inner strength and her ability to heal and forgive despite all the physical and emotional wounds inflicted upon her (I imagine the process of writing this was purgative for her as well). I look forward to reading the sequel to this memoir ("Please Stop Laughing At Us...One Survivor's Extraordinary Quest to Prevent School Bullying) as I am an advocate for relieving the toll that bullying takes both on a minute and a grand scale. If we do not take a serious and active position on this issue, then sadly, school shootings will be in the headlines for many years to come.
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 "Not entirely believable" | 2008-08-29 |
| - Reviewed By User: A1BIJJATTU584J |
| I found the author's accounts of bullying to be interesting and dramatic enough to keep me reading but I struggled with the believability of her experiences. Being held down and punched and kicked, suffocated and thrown into traffic exceeds bullying and ventures into the realm of assault. Perhaps in her time the bullying experiences were more severe. Kids don't get away with doing things like that twice in this day and age. I also think she may be exercising a slight bias toward herself being the complete victim without any provoking or invitation on her part. It's interesting how at each new school she started in she HAD a circle of friends almost immediately and those friends were part of the popular crowd. She also had multiple instances of boys taking interest in her. This tells me that it wasn't her looks or style that caused these friends to turn on her. She did come off as having a holier-than-thou attitude and even now in the writing style you can tell she is a bit of a braggart who demands attention. Kids in junior high and high school can pick up on this pretty easily. It's fine to have good morals but some of the occurances in the book made me roll my eyes a bit. If she would have with-held a couple of things from her mother (who in turn always went right to the teachers and other parents) she may have survived a little longer at these schools. The boy/girl party scene comes to mind first. All in all, I found it interesting but not really helpful or believable. |
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| "Poor Jodee" | 2008-07-03 |
| - Reviewed By kzemek4 |
This is an autobiography of Jodee's struggles all through school. She tries to stand up for what is right and gets shunned and ostracized. She keeps wanting to "fit in" but doesn't know how without being untrue to herself. Near the end she finally gets some real friends. She takes a lot of abuse from kids who once were her friends, but deals as best she can looking forward to her future at college. It was sad to hear how cruel the kids were to her, but I thought her parents should have helped her by paying for some self-defense lessons instead of taking her to a psychiatrist. They knew she was getting beat up by kids at school and just made things worse. I think teens would especially like this book.
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 "Brings It All Back" | 2008-06-27 |
| - Reviewed By User: A39DUZ17XTB5RL |
| If you were picked on in high school and grade school like I was, this book brings back all the painful memories that you NEVER EVER forget! I'm so sorry you had to go through all this, Jodee. I was right there with you! So glad you wrote your book. I wish I had. God bless you, Jodee. Hope you enjoy great success in your life. Can't wait to read the sequel. Jodee is right. Teachers do nothing. Parents do nothing. You are on your own! I finished this book in just two days. |
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 "Uninspiring, and often unbelievable" | 2008-05-01 |
| - Reviewed By User: A26BF2YQUT10YG |
My husband is completing his Masters in school counseling and he bought this book for a paper about bullying. He knows how I love memoirs, especially ones with themes of triumph over adversity, and from what he'd heard about this book he thought it would be right up my alley.
While it was a compelling enough read (I couldn't put it down and finished in a day), when hubby asked how I liked it my gut instinct was just "Eh. I didn't think it was so great. What's all the fuss about this book?"
Upon introspection, these are the reasons I wasn't "wowed" by this book:
1. It wasn't that believable. I am positive that the author is walking that fine line between exaggeration and fabrication when it comes to certain details, specifically with regards to the bullying sequences. Even when the facts are believable, she presents them in such a one sided, self centered way.
Yes, perhaps when it happened she percieved it from an egocentric point of view, as most teens would, but the story was written 20 years after the fact, when hindsight and maturity should give the story perspective and objectivity. This is just not the case with this author.
2. Jodee is not that likeable. Although I cannot condone the bullying, it was obvious to me that she often set herself up to be at outcast. One can be morally straight and true to themselves without being an obnoxious goody two shoes.
For example--the party in 6th grade where a game of spin the bottle turned into a couple "experimenting" in the closet. Did she really have to run out and call her mother? I can understand how that could be an uncomfortable situation; I would've been very uncomfortable as well, whether I was 12 or 35. But there is a way to go about handling something like that, there is a way not to. Running out and calling mommy--defintiely NOT the way! Jodee seems to lack common social skills and never caught on to teen ettiqute. Perhaps the fact that she had only child syndrome and was coddled by her parents had something to do with it? Regardless, it is clear that she was clueless, and just as clear that she still just doesn't get it.
3. The reunion scenes at the end were so over the top, mawkish and unrealistic. I just didn't believe them. Period.
4. This is not an "inspiring" story. Blanco never tells us how she overcame the pain of being bullied for 8+ years and rose above.
As far as storytelling goes, the author does a decent job. Though her writing is not impressive at all, she keeps the story flowing and the reader interested. I'm not sorry I read it.
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| "Please do Read this book" | 2008-04-11 |
| - Reviewed By User: A1VE5DU3C76NFY |
| This was one of my favorite books. I was one of these kids in school that was terribley picked on because I was a bit smarter than the rest and I wasn't the most attractive kid alive. This story reveals a brave tale of what types of torments children live through everyday and that their stories aren't much different than the next child. |
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| "I was less empathetic than I expected to be" | 2008-03-22 |
| - Reviewed By User: A34S2YA8SHUTWS |
| Writing a book about one's own bullying is a real challenge, especially when writing in the first person. Understate the experiences, and the reader will be tempted to say, "Kids will be kids"; render the bullying in melodramatic detail, as this writer does, and one's audience is likely to roll their eyes. And why was the author bullied? Because she stuck up for the underdog, or tattled when there was a real danger and out of the purest motives; either way, she was always in the right, and those sociopathic classmates of hers, in every school she ever set foot in, never, never forgave her. It's not that I don't believe Jodee Blanco (even to imply that I don't feels like bullying), but somehow this book misses its mark. Like the majority of people attracted to this book's title, I was bullied myself, and therefore more than ready to empathize with her; yet I found this story less than engaging. It could have used a sterner editor's hand (portentous lines similar to "my fears would be well founded" and "little did my parents know how wrong they'd be" abound), and it could have used some distance. A novel, or a nonfiction book tackling the same subject but incorporating the experiences of others (such as the author's next book, perhaps, which I haven't yet read) would probably work better. The book also has a decidedly juvenile tone, though I don't think it's targeted to young adults specifically, and if today's bullies (Blanco apparently grew up in the 1980's) are assigned this as part of their rehabilitation, I doubt they'll appreciate it in the way the author intended. Though Blanco's tormentors were as often boys as girls (something else that left me skeptical), a more enlightening book on bullying, and what motivates it, is Rachel Simmons's Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls. |
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| "Not very insightful" | 2008-03-17 |
| - Reviewed By filmcrit |
| I was interested in and excited about this book when I heard Ms. Blanco interviewed on the "Diane Rehm Show." However, it proved to be lackluster for 2 reasons. First, it read like one of Beverly Cleary's Ramona Quimby books, which I enjoyed when I was a kid, but don't qualify as meaty adult reads. Second, I feel that the more interesting story is the fact that the author herself admits to feeling several very haughty feelings toward her tormentors, especially at her high school reunion. I would've enjoyed an exploration of how she isn't different from her tormentors at all - when she had power, success, and beauty, she let it make her feel better than those around her. All in all, the book seems like her opportunity to say get back at the bullies, which is fine. She definitely deserved to get some things off of her chest. Plus, anything that brings more attention to school bullying as more than mere child's play is a good thing indeed. |
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| "Buy It Used" | 2008-03-16 |
| - Reviewed By juleshorse6 |
| Interesting account from a young girl who obviously has very little self-awareness or insight into her own behavior. Too bad she did not see have at least one friend or cousin (with all those aunts, didn't she have cousins??) to tell her to tone it down a little with the self-righteous act. There are some odd thought processes described by the author. Bordering on delusional at times. I'm very sorry that she was bullied, but I think she is incredibly histrionic, and her victim stance may have served a bigger purpose for her AND her family. One has to wonder. She is very black and white in her views of the world to the end, and very naive. I held my breath, as she talked about how much these people had grown, and become such kind, wonderful human beings. So naive, it may never even have occured to her they were being incredibly nice, knowing the book about them was about to go to print. I think her former classmates may have been doing a little CYA. Just a thought ..... |
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 "Victimization Is The Latest Cottage Industry" | 2008-03-05 |
| - Reviewed By kseelandt2 |
Jodee Blanco would have us believe she is an alchemy of Joan Of Arc, Anne Frank and Carrie. Do her recollections of her public school experiences really represent the type and frequency of bullying everyone has at one time or another been subjected to? Is, or was, Blanco the epitome of a particularly fractious personality that proved irresistible to hooligans of both sexes? Or is the reader, and those required to attend her school seminars, the true victims of apocryphal stories?
Perhaps the following Blanco quote reveals how this women has manufactured a past that rivals the most prolific modern day horror writer's imagination.
"You know the (book) Carrie (by) Stephen King? Well, what I went through in school made that character's experiences look like a Disney flick."
Blanco said this in 2003 to her interviewer Jacky Johnson, a sophomore at Seminole High School. Even Blanco's book titles are distilled from the movie's tag line, "They're all going to laugh at you." Blanco compares her bullying experience to the same type of trauma usually reserved for veterans of combat. In fact, she said on NPR's Diane Rehm show that she still suffers from post traumatic stress. Hyperbole seems to be a byproduct of being ostracized in school.
But let's examine some of the humiliations Blanco was forced to suffer at the hands of her numerous assailants.
1) Eighth-grade biology class, a classmate hurled a dissected pig at her chest, splattering blood and formaldehyde into her nose and mouth
2) A group of wrestlers held her down and shoved fistfuls of snow into her mouth until she couldn't breathe
3) Burned with cigarettes
4) Stoned by a group of boys.
Were there no police reports filed in these criminal acts that went far beyond "bullying?" The only indignity that didn't happen to Blanco was the bucket of pig's blood dumped on her at her prom night. But of course Blanco didn't attend her prom.
One must have an extremely low skepticism threshold to accept this Marque De Sade list of humiliations at face value. Jodee must have figured her books would sell better as self-help rather than a fictional novel. Judging by the sales, she might want to rethink her strategy.
What could possibly be the catalyst for this barbaric treatment?
"Well, when you're independent like that, and you're your own person, it often makes you the target of abuse." Blanco attributes this singular treatment by her peers to being an iconoclast?
Bullies, in school and out, are an undeniable blight on society. Blanco has divided her school peers into two types of people: those who are bullies, and those who are bullied. That would account for 10% of the student body. Where does that leave the other 90%?
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